


These four walls and me

by 13efm013



Category: Caspar Lee/Joe Sugg - Fandom, Jaspar - Fandom, Joe Sugg/Caspar Lee - Fandom
Genre: Broken, Depression, Goodbye Video, M/M, Pills, Sad, Self Harm, Sugglife, Suicide Attempt, saved - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9522497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13efm013/pseuds/13efm013
Summary: Caspar doesn't have the will to live anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Self-harm/suicide attempt  
> (NOT EDITED) 

"I'm sorry I couldn't handle the struggles life gave me. I'm supposed to tell you to never give up, but that'd be hypocritical of me because that's exactly what I'm doing. I, Caspar Lee, am giving up my fight. Thank you all so much for everything! I'm sorry I couldn't be more. This is Caspar Lee signing off... Forever. Goodbye." Caspar shut off the camera that had been filming his final words to the world.  
He couldn't help the tears the slid down his trembling cheeks. The upload button showed red on the screen, waiting be clicked, and soon enough the loading bar filled to the max and the views poured in. The comments pleading him to stay came with the views, but none of them were able to reach him, because he was already gone.  
The phone that sat on his comforter rang off the hook, as he knew it would, but he refused to answer it. No one was close enough to stop him. The police wouldn't get to his flat in time.  
Zoë was out of the country with Alfie, Oli was over at his parents for the week, Josh went out with Joe and they took the Tube to the National Theatre so it'd take at least an hour to get back. Caspar knew he was in the clear.  
His phone continued to ring as he sat down on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, a bottle of pills in his hands. The lid posed a challenge for him and took him a few moments to get off. The colorful array of pills filled the space of his hand and waited to enter his mouth and send him to inevitable death.  
"This is the only way Caspar. You deserve this." He nodded along with the voice in his head in agreement.  
The first pill pressed against his shivering lips and waited for permission, a pound at the front door being the only thing to delay it.  
"Casper! I'm coming in this flat and I'm going to kill you!" Caspar could hear the anger in Joe's voice.  
Surprise and a hint of fear filled his chest as he sat frozen on his bathroom floor. When Joe rushed into his room, he couldn't help the sob that left his mouth. The pills skid across the tile and into the corners of the bathroom as if hiding from Caspar.  
"Caspar Lee what the hell were you thinking!?" Joe dropped to the floor and gripped Caspar's shoulders in his firm hands.  
"We'll answer me damnit!?" He gripped Caspar harder, but Cas didn't complain. He deserved this pain.  
Caspar's sobs muffled when he was pulled into Joe's embrace. Caspar could feel Joe's nerves unraveling before him as he began to cry as well.  
"I'm sorry." Caspar whispered against the fabric of Joe's shirt.  
"I know Caspy. I'm here now. I've got you." The ambulance soon arrived at their flat and they loaded a sleepy Caspar on the stretcher, readying him for transport.  
"How many did he swallow?" The paramedic questioned.  
"None. I got to him in time." Joe nodded as reassurance to himself that he'd done everything he could, because Hell, he didn't know how much he'd blame himself if Caspar wasn't with him anymore.


End file.
